Life with Depression&Anxiety
Over the past few years you’ve heard more about mental health and how it affects people’s lives. However, there’s still certain people that do not understand mental health and how much it affects how people live. You can’t see mental health issues but it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. I am teaming up with bloggers to create a series of blogs about our experiences with mental health and hopefully it may help someone to seek help, see a GP or just allow them to understand more about mental health.
A charity that I think is amazing for supporting those with mental health illness’s is Mind. If you need support or want to learn more then head over to their website. www.mind.org.uk
From the title, you can see that I suffer with depression and anxiety, I was diagnosed with them when I was in Year 10. I just thought I was poorly, I went to my GP described how I felt; tired, no energy to do anything, headaches, upset and she sent me for blood tests. I can’t remember what she tested me for as this was almost 5 years ago, but when she said my results came back normal I was so confused. She then went on to say that she thought I had acute depression, the thing is I didn’t feel depressed I was a normal teenager I didn’t walk around looking gloomy or cry every day, so to be told I had depression I didn’t really believe it. I later developed my anxiety I can’t really remember when it started or what caused it.
So my anxiety definitely isn’t as bad as my depression, I usually now only get anxious when I’m in large crowds as it makes me feel like I can’t move and I get claustrophobic. When I was still in school I absolutely hated going and I would have a panic attack every morning to the point I was being sick. I was being bullied and the school I was at ended up giving me 2 months off school where I studied at home and emailed all my work to my teachers. But when I went back my anxiety towards school was worse. I used to have to tell myself all on the way to school, ‘you will be okay,’ ‘you can do this,’ ‘nothing is going to happen.’ To be fair I still have to do that now some days. With my anxiety I get scared with anything to do with being social; I could have a panic attack when calling someone, going to meet my friends, going to college or town by myself things like that. I think when I look back at how bad I used to be I have come a long, long way with my anxiety. I still have the odd day or few weeks where I can’t leave the house because I will break down in tears and I feel like the world is out to get me but I work hard every day to beat my fears.
My advice to people with anxiety or even issues with something similar is don’t put yourself down for not being able to do something, you will do whatever you are struggling with in your own time. Break your fear down into smaller tasks you can complete. I will be completely honest, I’ve had a month off college because I’m petrified to go, I’m not sure when I will be posting this but I will be facing my fear and that’s all because I have done smaller tasks that have made me feel like I can do it.
I feel like this is where my post will get really long because I have had such a rough time with my depression and I feel like I can maybe help people the most. Depression to some people is just feeling sad and it really isn’t. You can have any feeling with depression I could be enjoying time with my boyfriend and all of a sudden I will be in floods of tears not knowing what I’m doing with my life. Some people will read this and say, you’ve just got mood swings you’re a woman. Some people that know me call me unmotivated or say I have a bad attitude towards life, and I can come across that way. That isn’t because I am those things it’s because of my depression and how it makes me feel. Of course, I want a good job with great pay and I want to have a decent set of qualifications and to go out and see my friends. Who wouldn’t want them things? It’s so hard to explain to people that I will wake up some mornings and I just feel empty, I don’t think, feel or do. I just feel like a body and there’s nothing inside, it is the only way to describe it. My heart screams at me TAKE LIFE BY THE HORNS AND LIVE and my brain is like, you’re not doing that you’re going to sit there and think about everything that is wrong with you and your life. And that’s exactly what I do daily, I will criticize everything about my appearance, my personality, my relationships with others, my ability to make decisions, everything. Other days I will be the ultimate sass queen and nothing can stop me being happy and I feel invincible. People often link depression with people wanting to kill themselves and hurt themselves all the time and I know some people that wouldn’t dream of those things and other people where those ideas are in their minds constantly. I don’t feel fully comfortable yet to talk about my experiences with feeling suicidal but I have been there, a few times actually, I am now at a point where I have gone back to my GP and I will be starting counselling (when I pluck up the courage to ring them.)
Everyone is different but I am going to list a few things that have helped me short or long term with my depression;
Music
Colouring
Doing my makeup/nails
Taking a bath
Going for a walk
Ordering something online (retail therapy is the best)
Talking to someone
Writing a journal
Blogging
So that is an overall view of my experiences with depression and anxiety. It took me a lot to write this all out and post it online. Thank you for reading, see you on my next post, courts x